


Ketchup and Fries (but said to the tune of Shut Up and Drive)

by Bbb0987



Category: Bob's Burgers (Cartoon)
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Enemies to Lovers, F/M, Fluff, banter at first then we move into the romance, slowburn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-25
Updated: 2021-02-14
Packaged: 2021-03-07 02:55:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 13,596
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26109805
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bbb0987/pseuds/Bbb0987
Summary: Ch1. Louise has a new nemesis, and Logan is not pleased.Ch2. Louise can’t catch a break, and Logan wants to do something impulsive.Ch3. Happy Valentine's Day! I kicked up the romantic tension just for you.Louise is 19 and Logan is in his early/mid twenties. This is how I see a chance encounter after years of separation going down.
Relationships: Louise Belcher & Logan Bush, Louise Belcher/Logan Bush
Comments: 38
Kudos: 141





	1. A Ride Home

Stupid weather. Stupid cold. Stupid Jackson, making her walk in the stupid cold weather.

Louise wondered how long it would take for the ice to melt and for the authorities to find Jackson’s body after she was done tearing him to shreds. Scratch that. Better to stick with asphyxiation. Blood would be too visible in the snow.

She continued muttering to herself, walking down the side of the road back to her family’s restaurant and home. It’d be another half hour before she even got into town. 

“Louise Smelcher?”

Caught up in her death threats, Louise missed the car riding slowly alongside her. And just her luck, it was-

“Logan Barry Bush? What the hell are you doing back here? I thought the entire city got a restraining order and forced you to move.” 

“What the hell am I doing? What the hell are YOU doing walking in a blizzard? Were the bunny ears the only thing holding your brain cells in?”

“I asked you first, turd breath. What the hell are YOU doing?”

“And I’m asking you what the hell are YOU doing?”

“No, what the hell are you-“

This went on for longer than either of them cared to admit, with Louise walking along and Logan coasting beside her.

“Enough,” Logan finally said, pressing on the brake. “Are you getting in or what?”

“I’m a little old to kidnap. I feel like your type is hanging around an elementary school somewhere.”

“Gross. That’s what I get for trying to be nice to a fart face. Have fun freezing to death!”

The window rolled up, and his car started to drive off. Louise weighed her options: risk being attacked by a wild animal or have her eyelashes permanently iced over in the outdoors. She rolled her eyes and groaned.

“Logan, wait.” 

Just like that, the car stopped. She caught up and reached for the door handle, only for Logan to let off the brake. She shot him a very unladylike gesture then reached for the handle a second time. The car jerked forward again.

“Logan!” Louise screamed in that perfect pitch she mastered in her youth.

He laughed at her as she finally got a grip on the door and yanked it open.

“You know, flipping me off would be a lot more effective if you weren’t wearing anime mittens.”

“I’m going to do more than flip you off... after I thaw out.”

Louise pointed every vent at her and cranked the heat up.

“That’s a funny way to treat your knight in shining armor.”

“You’re not my knight, and if you consider this jalopy ‘shining’ we need to swing by the optometrist.”

Chuckling, Logan turned back to the road. He looked mostly the same as the last time she had seen him, except he finally grew in more facial hair than the pathetic soul patch he tried out in his teens. Not that Louise noticed. 

“So,” Louise started. “You never answered why you’re back in town.”

“You never answered why you-”

“Ahp up up. We’re not starting that again. Answer my question. It’s the least you could do, since it looks like you gave all the free candy out to your last victims.”

“Aren’t you like 19 now? I’m pretty sure it stops counting as kidnapping after you graduate.”

“Stalk much?”

One sarcastic “please” was all she got out of him for that quip. She crossed her arms and cleared her throat, shooting him a look with a raised eyebrow.

Logan scratched at his —goatee? Scruff? She didn’t know the word, which was weird given that her father basically made her an expert on all types of hair without even trying. The things she had seen that man grow out of his ears...

“I’m moving back. Graduated college and found some dumb job in town.”

“Took you long enough. Most people call it a 4-year because it only takes them... four years to get their diploma. Not six.”

“Now who’s stalking?”

Louise scoffed before looking out the window. The two of them were never close, at least not anything she would consider a friend, but they did have something. It felt like twice a year they ran into each other, and twice a year it was a choice of tormenting the other or teaming up to take down a bigger fish. It was their thing, and she liked it. Maybe even missed it a little, but she sure as hell wouldn’t be telling him that.

“Why are you being nice to me?” Louise asked in the bluntest way possible. It wasn’t unheard of, but this act of kindness hadn’t been at the end of some convoluted scheme that resulted in them unfortunately bonding.

Logan shrugged, then played with the radio dial. She immediately changed the station after he found something he liked. He rolled his eyes but did the half smirk he was so famous for.

“Eh, who knows,” he said. “Even though we’re arch nemesises — nemeses? — it always seemed like you had my back at the end of the day. Game recognize game.”

“It’s sad that you consider your boring pranks ‘game’, but I’ll let you live in your fantasy world.”

She paused a second, then stared at the road straight ahead again.

“And you’re not my arch nemesis anymore. Maybe just a casual enemy.”

The car came to a screeching halt.

Louise, ever the rebel, had neglected to put on her seatbelt in an attempt to get to the heat source faster. She jostled around in the front seat, yelling and glaring with all the spitfire she could manage.

“What the hell, Crash Barrycoot?!”

“Huh?”

“It’s- it’s like Crash Bandicoot, but uh with your name? Because you were gonna-“

“Oh, I get it.”

“Yeah.”

“Okay.”

A cough.

“So? What the hell was the brake check for??”

“I could ask you the same thing! Except without the brake pa- I’m not your nemesis anymore?”

“Oh my god, that’s why you stopped? I thought you saw one of the escaped deer pigs from Fishoeder’s mutant zoo.”

“Answer the question, Louise Belcher!”

Looking both ways on the road, Louise couldn’t see another car. She could dip and continue her original plan of walking, though the lack of other cars to hitchhike with disheartened her.

“If you try to jump out, I will catch you and drag you back. I’ll always get you, Louise.”

Oh. That was new.

Back when they were children, his idle threats were easily returned with a sarcastic good luck, but now? With the way his voice lowered? She felt something she hadn’t for a year or so. 

She cleared her throat and refused to make eye contact.

“Things change. Sometimes, a girl needs to let out her pent up rage and blood lust, even if her arch nemesis moves away. And maybe sometimes a girl really, really wants to kill Jackson for putting her in a situation where she’d have to admit this in the first place.”

“Jackson?” Logan took a minute, still leaning on the brake. Louise swore at her slip up. “So it’s a boy?”

She shot him a confused look, wondering why that mattered at all.

“Well, newsflash, gender is fake, but yes. Jackson identifies as a man.”

“Boy.”

“Does it matter?”

“I don’t know. No? Maybe? Ugh.”

Logan started driving again. The silence felt odd. He flexed his fingers just when she thought his steel grip would break the steering wheel.

“You know,” he said. “I don’t think it’s really fair you went and got a new nemesis. I don’t have any other enemies.”

“Aw don’t say that. I’m sure you piss off tons of people.”

“But they’re not like you.”

“Like me?”

“Devious. Conniving. Smart. Whatever, shut up.”

Interesting. If she didn’t know better, the compliment might have brought a blush to her cheeks. Thankfully, she was smart and knew this to be a ruse to get her guard down. 

“What’s with this Jackson kid anyway? He pull your pigtails or something?”

Louise tugged on her hair. She hadn’t worn it in pigtails in years.

“He’s just some guy. Nothing special, and I don’t need you gathering intel on me and my dealings.”

“You replaced with me with ‘nothing special’?”

“I mean, yeah? What’s the big deal here?”

Logan went silent again, which frankly concerned Louise a lot. His usual dumb retorts normalized things. She poked him in his side while repeatedly saying his name to annoy him into talking.

“Watch it. In case you forgot, I’m driving. And I’m also still in the processing stage.”

“Ugh, fine.” Louise crossed her arms and waited. When that took too long, she took out her cell phone. 

Four missed texts. One from her mom wondering when she would be home. Louise considered asking her mom to pick her up, but lack of guarantee that the family car would even make it stopped her. There was one text from Tina asking her to proofread her latest erotic fiction chapter. Two from Jackson. She wanted to groan but didn’t for fear of attracting attention.

Peeking out of the corner of her eye, Logan seemed focused on his internal therapy. Safe enough for her to respond to Jackson’s “got it!” and “on my way back now :)” Stupid jerk.

She drafted a reply then deleted it. Then drafted another and deleted that. Maybe just a selfie with her middle finger out would do?

Tempting, but too conspicuous. Louise squinted and tapped the edge of her phone while she thought.

“He sends you smiley faces? What kind of nemesis is that?” Logan asked perplexed. She yanked her phone to her chest.

“Don’t you know not to text and drive? Idiot!”

“I’m not texting; I’m reading. It’s like a street sign with how obvious you’re waving it around. And what does he mean ‘on my way back’? Is that code? You made a code with someone else too?”

“Jeez it’s not code,” Louise said. She dreaded admitting the rest. “He’s the reason I’m out here. We were hanging out, but he said he forgot the food. He jumped into his car and sped off like a dumbass.”

“Wait... was this a date?”

“... Sort of?”

“He’s not your nemesis,” Logan’s face suddenly went ghost white. “He’s your boyfriend. Or he’s both?!”

“What? God, no! Stop making assumptions. We’re just... talking. This was our first actual date. My first actual date since... Jessica. Actually. I thought we were coming up here to shoot at squirrels or something, but no he planned a lame picnic and forgot the stupid basket.”

More silence, then Logan burst out laughing. 

“And,” he managed between gasps of air. “Instead of — ins- instead of taking you with him to get the food, he left you STRANDED? In the woods? Oh my god, that is so good. I wish I thought of that.”

Fisting her hands in her hair under her pink beanie, Louise screamed.

“Ahh!! That’s the worst freakin part! It wasn’t even a prank I can get him back for. He just forgot that he was abandoning me, because apparently one of my types is gullible IDIOTS.”

That sobered Logan up pretty quick. He stopped laughing and tried, unsuccessfully, to hide his small smirk. Reaching a hand out, he patted her shoulder.

“There there,” he said in a flat voice. “Hey, at least now you know not to make him your.. ugh, boyfriend or anything.”

Louise slapped his hand away.

“You sound as disgusted with the possibility of him being my boyfriend as with him being my nemesis. There’s no winning with you, is there?”

“Honestly, I can’t tell which I find worse.” His eyebrows raised and eyes widened, clearly registering what he had said. “I mean, the thought of some poor soul getting stuck with you of all people? Sucks for them.”

Danger. Danger. 

All of her sensors for “something is happening right now, but you can’t tell what it is” went off. Time to do what she does best and escape any serious form of conversation.

She considered a good ol tuck and roll when the perfect opportunity presented itself. Well, it was perfect as a distraction, but also wasn’t great for her either.

“Shit! That’s his car, that’s his car! Hide me!”

She tried ducking down, but the copious amount of fast food waste made it impossible to find a spot that didn’t reek.

“God, why do you have so much friggin trash in your car?? Move over.”

And with that, Louise lifted the middle console and planted her torso flat, cheek resting in Logan’s lap and facing the steering wheel.

Muscle memory must have kicked in from all the times she used him as a personal jungle gym when he tried to keep something away from her. Logan’s arm immediately snapped to her shoulder to hold her in place and pointedly away from his crotch.

“Whoa whoa! At least buy me dinner first. Give a guy some warning next time.”

“Oh ha ha. Tell me when he passes.”

“Is it the grey Altima coming up?”

“‘Is it the grey Altima-’ of course it’s the grey Altima! Do you see any OTHER cars on this damn road?”

“Take a chill pill. You’re not the one trying to remember if you wore clean jeans for the occasion.”

“Oh sick!”

“Kidding! Jeez Louise.”

“Like I’ve never heard that one before. Think an original thought once in your life.”

“Mm, I’ll consider it.”

She waited a few seconds. Then a few more. When his grip on her started to relax but didn’t move, suspicions rose.

“Logan!”

“What’s up?”

Letting out a groan loud enough to startle birds outside of the vehicle, Louise risked a peek only to find a barren road. She jerked back into her seat, nearly nailing her head on his chin.

“You didn’t bother to tell me he passed?!”

“You seemed comfortable. Who am I to argue with the comfort of my guest? Besides, it was your dumb idea to hide. What do you think is going to happen when he gets back and can’t find you?”

“I don’t know,” Louise huffed. “Probably take the hint. Hopefully.”

“So you’re not gonna show, not gonna text, and not gonna explain anything?”

A quick shrug and brush of invisible lint on her shoulder gave her time to think of her response.

“... I figure I only have a few more months of being able to excuse my lack of commitment and emotional honesty on being a teen, so I might as well beat that dead horse right into the ground.”

“Sounds like you’re being pretty emotionally honest with me right now.”

She gave a psh sound and kicked at the empty water bottles at her feet. The crunch of the plastic almost drowned out Logan’s next bombshell.

“It’s okay that you didn’t end up with your past interests,” he said. “You cared about them. It probably hurt to lose, but that doesn’t mean you can’t care about other people in the future. Just a little perspective.”

“Is that you or Dr. Swanson talking?”

“Both? I’m a sensitive dude, Louise.”

“That’s true. You cried in front of me after less than a week of knowing each other.”

Logan reached over and flicked her in the shoulder.

“Deflection. And, also, unfair. There was a big knife held to my neck by a mean looking biker.”

“Tsk tsk, Logan. Stereotyping? I thought you were above that.”

“You literally said he was going to cut off my ears.”

They laughed at the memory, as this was a conversation they had before many times. She thought it was hilarious he almost wet his pants, he thought it was hilarious how extreme she was at nine, and everyone worked through their trauma anyway. 

She fiddled with the radio and put it on a Spanish station. The commercials blended in with the music, and she liked that.

“I’m working on it,” Louise finally admitted. “The whole acceptance thing. I’m getting there.”

And that was all he needed to know about that. 

Humming his approval, Logan went to switch the station. His smirk reappeared as he clicked one of the last buttons on his preset list.

“Why do you have that- oh God! No! No country music, you heathen bastard!”

He met her move for move every time she took another stab at the radio, currently blaring some bootlicking bullshit. 

“What? You don’t like my jams? This is a personal favorite of mine.”

“Oh yeah? Name it then.”

“It’s...” he waited for half of the title to flash on the screen. “Thank your boys for... Beer? Beach days?” 

“You don’t even know the rest of the name. Give up.”

“No, no, I got this. Thank your boys for beeeee... being a patriot. See I know it.”

“I’m putting an end to this. Now.”

Louise leaned down and bit him. With an undignified yelp, Logan snatched his hand back.

“Ow! Hey, I didn’t know biting was on the table. You know, this opens up a few avenues for me.”

There went that feeling again in the pit of her belly. Just another feeling she would need to unpack later in the comfort of her home, Louise thought as she slammed on the first preset to change the radio station again.

A beat while the music registered, then:

“I love this song!” The two of them said in unison while each finding their own rhythm of dance. 

“I didn’t even know Sleater-Kinney came on the radio!”

“It’s been forever, right?”

Louise whipped out a wicked head bang with Logan on vocals. His scratchy voice lent itself well to a feminine whine, but she was enjoying herself too much to make fun of it. 

This was why she SECRETLY didn’t mind Logan as much as she let on. When it came down to it, he may be stupid, but it was the kind of stupid she vibed with. Her whole family was crazy, so there had to be some tolerance for it in her blood. Plus, as much as they fought, he was always honest and down for any schemes or scams she cooked up.. as long as he wasn’t the victim. 

Seemingly out of nowhere, buildings started to pop into view. Cocking her head to the side, Louise prepared a throw away line about how the only thing longer than the drive was her dick, but her breath caught in her throat as she turned to her driver.

Fully immersed in the song, Logan hummed the chorus while he tapped out the beat on the steering wheel. He looked... genuinely happy. And... kind of cute?

Crap, okay, she did not just think that. Maybe she could fix it? Maybe it was a brotherly cute? That was a thing, right?

Logan caught her eye on the next once over she gave him. He shot her a wink and a finger gun, and she knew it wasn’t a brotherly cute. 

Fuck.

“Hey look, we’re almost at your stinky burger joint.”

The familiarity of the streets began to melt together. Flustered from her recent discovery, she forgot to punch him for calling her restaurant stinky.

“Yeah,” she said shakily. “I’ll be glad to... get out of this trash pile and... away from your uhh garbage face?”

. . . 

What the hell was that?! She might as well have been a freshman trying out for the lead in musical theatre for how nervous that was!

“Oh? That’s too bad. I’m actually feeling a little peckish. Might stop in for some fries. What do you think?”

“You look more like a microwaved pasta kinda guy. I recommend the dump next door.”

“Hm, no this is a distinct craving for French fries. Guess you’ll be dealing with my garbage face a little longer, huh?”

Louise groaned.

“Alright, but make it quick. No forgetting your order, no potty breaks, and no small talk.”

“What if I want to chat up the waitress?”

“Gene won’t be happy to learn that you’re competing for Mom’s attention. Is that the kind of drama you want in your life?”

Logan parked the car in front of the, yet again, empty store next to Bob’s Burgers. Louise tried not to think about how in sync their actions were, seatbelts clicking and doors opening in perfect time with each other. 

“That’s not the waitress I had in mind, but, now that you mention it, Linda is kind of a milf isn’t she?”

Louise mimed puking over the sidewalk while they walked to the door. Logan stopped directly in front of it.

“Ahem.”

“Oh, my mistake.” She cut him off and opened the door for him. “Ladies first.”

“Thank you.”

As soon as he made it inside, Louise kicked him in the back of the knee. It wasn’t enough force to bring him down, but he buckled for a second with a not so menacing “hey!”

Linda spotted the pair immediately and, in true mom fashion, ignored the blond elephant in the room to embarrass her youngest.

“Wow! You’re back early. Oh god, are you okay? Is he dead? You know I won’t judge if he’s dead. I almost killed a boyfriend at an A-ha cover band concert. Ha! The look on that EMT’s face. It was like ‘Ahh! Ha?’ Oh it was hysterical.”

“Lin,” Bob cut in from the back. “So, how did it uh go?”

“Oh vERY well,” Louise layered on the sarcasm. “You can tell by how a giant parasite followed me home and is currently leeching my life force.”

Continuing his game of silently trying to snatch the beanie off her head, Logan only smirked when she pulled it down tighter and pointed a warning finger at him.

“That’s nice, Louise,” Bob said, returning to the grill. 

“And who exactly is this giant bug we’re talking about?” Linda said, eyeing Logan up and down. One might say approvingly, if one was stupid.

“Mom, are you serious? This is Logan.” He raised one hand with a “hi Mrs. B.” Linda’s hands shot to her heart.

“LO-gan! I haven’t seen you in yeeaars. Look at you, you got even taller. My poor baby never caught up, did she? My little lady Louise.” Comparing the heights between the two, Linda got an eyeful of her daughter’s most powerful glare.

“Mom!”

“Oh shush, I’m just teasing. Anyway, let’s get you some food. You look like you need a good meal, bunch of baby bums.”

“Just some fries for me please, ma’am,” Logan layered on the polite gentleman shtick. “And then I would love to hear more about your littlest baby Louise.” 

Linda sauntered back to the kitchen, already off on a tangent none of them could follow.

The restaurant quieted down, the lack of other customers becoming apparent. Louise saw a few take out order tickets but decided she would be better off washing this day from her memory with a nice long shower and some brain bleach.

“Welp! It’s been fun. Please feel free to email any additional comments to my secretary; his email is aquamagene@friendofdorothy dot com.”

She pushed off the counter and turned towards the exit. Let the two geezers deal with the thorn in her side.

“Stop right there, pipsqueak,” Logan said, grabbing her arm to hold her in place. “You’re not even going to say thank you for risking my life bringing you home?”

“Risking your life? There was no danger. I didn’t even have my bear mace on me, like some kind of amateur.”

“Oh and all those distractions on the road weren’t dangerous? I could have crashed four times by my count.”

“Yeah, well, you’re bad at math.”

“No, you’re bad at math.”

“No, YOU’RE-“

Hypothetically, she could break out of his grip no sweat, but she was distracted, wondering why he was still holding on to her.

Linda, with a sly smile, placed a basket of fries in front of them, humming a song she probably made up. Logan moved to sit on a stool and dragged Louise onto the one next to him.

Arguing became half-hearted teasing while they both devoured the potatoes. They battled over which way to pour the ketchup; Louise wanted a pile for dipping and Logan wanted to pour ketchup over all of them like a caveman.

Both too caught up in their debate, neither noticed the bell of the front door ring.

“Louise?”

There at the front door, picnic basket in hand, was Jackson, looking very snowed on and very perplexed. Louise shot out of her seat to stand and face him.

She might have expected this if her attention hadn’t been so focused on, ugh, Logan.

“Oh! Hey Jackson, uhh glad you made it.”

“Louise, I was so worried. I tried looking for you in the park, but you weren’t-“

“I wasn’t there,” she said at the same time as him. “Yeah, I got cold and decided to come back.”

“I texted-“

“My phone died. Damn Apple for purposely sabotaging batteries on older models, those money grabbing whores.”

She heard rustling from behind her but kept her eyes focused to the door. Jackson nodded and brushed the melting ice out of his hair.

Jackson Hong was a cute boy. She knew that. He had black hair, brown eyes, and a permanent smile. He was kind and went along with her no matter what her opinion was on something, which was part of the problem.

Louise knew herself too. She would never give up being a hilarious, strategic bitch with a secret soft side. Looking at Jackson’s pitiful face, she knew she would run all over him.

Sweet guys were fine, great in fact, but she wasn’t a sweet girl. That wasn’t fair to him and boring for her. Regardless, she tried to make it easy.

“I’m sorry you were worried, but maybe we can just go to the Wharf with some friends when it gets warmer out?”

“Like... on a double date?”

“Well, maybe more of a-“

A pop metal cover of the Kuchi Kopi theme cut her off suddenly. Existential dread set in as Louise went to silence her ringing phone.

In the process of remembering which button turned off the damn thing, she noticed something peculiar in her peripherals. 

A peculiar smug bastard held his phone up to his ear like the son of a bitch he was. 

“How did you get my number?” She hissed.

“Tina traded it to me for my buddy Diego’s number.”

Not for the first or last time, she cursed T’s libido. She didn’t doubt there were other external pressures that manipulated Tina into treachery, but Louise felt no sympathy in that moment.

“I thought you said your phone died?”

Ohhhh ho ho, she’d kill Logan for that one later.

She sighed, rubbing the back of her head. Lying and softening the blow hadn’t worked out. It was bandaid ripping time.

“Look, Jackson, today seemed like a pretty good sign that this,” she gestured to the two of them. “-isn’t going to work out. Maybe you could give Chris a call? I heard she thinks you’re cute.”

Thankfully, Jackson looked more confused than hurt. He pulled the basket closer to him and took a breath.

“Is this because-“

Louise cut him off.

“It’s no one’s fault. I think we’re just too different.”

“But-“

This time, Logan cut him off. He stood up and faced the door, side by side with Louise.

“Sorry to interrupt, but I just have to know. You thought that YOU, half a scissors snip away from a bowl cut looking dude, could take on THE Louise Belcher? I’d laugh if it wasn’t so sad.”

Logan’s arm wrapped around her waist. He pulled her just the tiniest bit closer to him.

“Louise is my nemesis. Now scram, kid.”

A thoroughly confused Jackson slipped out of the restaurant with little less fanfare, picnic basket in tow. 

Logan let go of her and slid back onto his stool. He picked up a fry with too much ketchup on it and pretended to flick it at her before scarfing it down. 

“What- are you- ... WHAT the hell was that, Logan?!”

Louise had never been so flabbergasted in her life. She didn’t even know she could feel flabbergasted, but there was truly no other way to describe it. Who the hell was he to put his arm around her like a territorial dog? And now, instead of letting him down easy and going on about their existence, Jackson probably thought she was with this loser!

For his part, Logan looked cooler than a ‘if you build it, he will cucumber’ burger. Louise tried editing that burger of the day to ‘Bendydick Cucumbersnatch’ but to no avail. She shook her head to focus.

“What was what?” Logan asked with feigned innocence. 

It devolved into just another day at the restaurant. Louise screamed violent threats, Bob cooked burgers and asked her to be quiet, Linda gushed about texting Gene the “latest developments,” whatever that meant...

And Logan ate his fries, looking like he had won a game only he knew about.


	2. Baby's First Tattoo

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Louise works through her feelings, and Logan seeks to cope from being back home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I honestly had no plans to write another chapter, but everyone's super sweet comments from the first one forced my hand. Thank you Callista_Blake, Anonymous, emodevadarkfollowing, Cancer_rea1629, Notsodummie, and Snarp for the encouragement to continue!

3pm was probably a bad time to wake up, but if her dad wanted to give her the day off then by God she would utilize it.

Louise’s one and only desire to sleep in longer seemed like an easy enough accomplishment. No plans, no responsibilities. Just her and her pillow. 

Of course, the treacherous part of her brain wouldn’t let her. The need to be productive and useful made her legs twitch and suddenly there wasn’t a comfortable spot to be found.

“Damn you, capitalism,” Louise groaned while kicking off her blankets. A shower might trick her senses into thinking she’s doing things and stuff. Then, when she’s all nice and refreshed, she’ll crawl right back into bed. Perfect Saturday.

Throwing her legs over the side of the bed, Louise opened her eyes to a room that wasn’t hers. Technically, she slept here now, since she had long outgrown the oversized closet and moved into Tina’s old spot. 

Sometimes, mornings were like this. She looked to the left for a door that was behind her and needed a few extra seconds to orient herself. Louise wondered how much longer this would go on. Tina moved out years ago, but every few months the room reminded her she didn’t belong.

Shaking her head, Louise stumbled out of the door and stopped for a stretch. While her joints popped, she eyed Gene’s old room down the hall. That had been an option, since he moved to the basement before Tina finished her two years at online community college, but Louise quickly shot that one down. Boy stink lingers.

Gene might be awake, but the lack of TV echoing through the apartment meant she wouldn’t know for sure until she visited the restaurant.

Maybe I’ll pop in after a shower, Louise thought before going about her morning routine, never mind that it was already the afternoon. 

. . . 

“Will there ever be anything greater than the mental blankness a hot shower brings?” Louise asked an empty apartment while toweling her hair dry-ish.

Abandoning her original plans for slinking back into bed, Louise walked into the kitchen to grab her favorite energy drink. She peered into the fridge, but any fluorescent colored cans were missing from their usual perch. 

“Mom, did you-” Louise cut herself off. Linda would be downstairs helping Bob clean up after a Saturday lunch rush. Confrontation on standby.

For a second, she stood at the top of the stairs, considering all the different lines she hadn’t used yet to convince her brother to move back to the room down the hall. She could already hear his practiced rebuttal. 

“I have the soul of a dragon and the desires of a rat inside this beautiful Gene flesh, and I will not be caged.” 

Coincidentally enough, also his coming out as he/them speech. 

Maybe some other time she’ll try to get him to fill the place up with noise again.

With that, Louise jogged downstairs and out onto the street. She breathed in one big lungful but looked around to be sure no one would catch her, ugh, trying to appreciate the day. 

The street was empty besides a few randoms peering into the usually empty storefront next door. She took a few steps not remembering who had rented the place out this time.

“Huh. ‘A new day for Tatooine.’ Wonder how long it takes before Disney smells the copyright infringement…”

Everything moves back to a stasis eventually after all, Louise thought. The shop would close down, and a new tattoo parlor (preferably one with a better pun name) would take its place. 

The jingle at the door alerting the occupants of her entrance, Louise strolled into Bob’s Burgers with a nod to Teddy. Linda perked up at the sight.

“Well, good morning, sunshine! Look at you, kicking before the sun sets. By the way, it’s a They Day if you see Gene. They’re practicing their harmonica though, so not sure if you wanna go down there. Wait, is that wet hair? You’re gonna catch a cold, I swear.” 

Waving off her eccentrics, Louise shot her a look.

“Mom, did you drink my last Zap?”

“Your whaa?” Linda asked, arms on her hips. 

“My energy drink. It says ‘zany awesome power’ on the side of the can?”

“Oh,” Bob mumbled from the kitchen. “It spells zap. Heh. I get it.” 

“Ohh yeaahh, we were out of coffee, so I gave it a shot,” Linda shuddered. “Ugh but, jeez Louise that stuff tastes like battery acid. I set it down over…” Her voice carried off as she whirled around looking for the can. She smacked her lips.

“You know what,” Linda’s face scrunched at the memory. “I may have accidentally given it to this pre-med student who was in here this morning. Falling asleep right at the counter! Can you believe that? In here?”

“What’s wrong with in here?” Bob called from the back. “People sleep when they’re relaxed. This place is relaxing. That’s a good thing.”

“Bobby, shush. Do you know what pre med means? It’s before medicine. Poor thing needed a dose.”

Louise whined.

“I’m sorry, honey,” Linda said, reaching over the counter to pat her youngest’s back. “Want me to buy you a new can? Lemme grab my purse. Oh we can make it a little field trip!” 

“If you’re going to the convenience store, can you grab me a few things?” Teddy interjected. “I just need more duct tape and a 1982 Ford pickup grille.”

“Teddy, they’re not going to have that at the convenience store.” Bob said.

“Well, why not? It would be convenient for me.”

“It’s... not that kind of convenient, Teddy.”

“OKAY,” Louise practically yelled. “Well, as fun as that all sounds, I’ll go without the Zap today. But you owe me, mother.” 

While Teddy and Linda went back and forth on what would be the most convenient thing for them to carry at the restaurant, Louise wandered back to the grill.

“Hey, pops. What’s going on?”

Bob shrugged and gestured to the burger he was almost done searing. He peered at her through the corner of his eye.

“Did you just shower? Are you sure you want to be back here?”

“Oh, are you admitting burger fumes smell like butt?”

“No.” Bob said firmly. “They just- it smells like hard work, and maybe... you don’t want to smell like that right now. On your day off. Is all.”

“Uh huh.”

“Burger fumes are for a complicated palette.” 

“Sure, dad.”

He shook his head before taking the patties and toasted buns off the heat to assemble and wrap. He called out Lin to take the to go order, then cut himself off. Cocking his head to the side, Bob’s eyebrows furrowed as he tuned into the conversation.

“Oh god, she’s telling Teddy to sell his handcrafted birdhouses at the counter. I gotta stop this.” Bob looked at the to go bag in his hand then at Louise. “I’m sorry to ask this on your day off, but would you take these to Mort next door?”

Louise rolled her eyes, taking the delivery from him.

“How could you, father? Ask me, a tired and weary soul, to make the perilous journey to the funeral home so so far away on my ONE day off?”

“Knew you could do it, uhh champ?” Bob patted her on the head before shuffling out to the register.

From the other side of the counter, she watched as the three entangled themselves further in a plan that would definitely backfire. Smirking, Louise turned to eye the booth she sat at to cook up her greatest schemes. This was the part where she would use whatever snippet of the adult’s conversation she heard to convince her siblings to join on a money motivated quest.

But the booth was empty, not even a customer to make awkward eye contact with.

Suddenly, Louise didn’t feel like being in the restaurant anymore.

Louise doesn’t run, or sprint, or make an effort, but she did maybe trip and get out of the door and over to Mort’s faster than she usually does. 

She walked in to see the head honcho himself hunched over his papers at the desk.

“Hey Louise! Sorry I couldn’t make it over there to pick those up. I am just swamped here.”

“The zombies keeping you and Adrian too busy to make it next door?”

“Heh, yeah everybody’s just dying to- oh hold on.” Mort cut himself off as he looked up at Louise’s face. “I know that stare. You’re feeling down.”

“What,” Louise scoffed and took a step back after handing him the two burgers. “Am not.”

“Yep. And, if I had to guess, it’s loneliness.”

Louise’s frown deepened as she shook her head. Mort doubled down while he handed her cash. He even included a nice delivery tip but took his sweet time placing it in her hand.

“Louise, I looked at that same face in the mirror for forty years before I met my life partner. I know that face. It’s okay to ask for he-“

“That just means you’re old!” Louise clenched her first around the bills and bolted out of the door in her least cool move of the day so far. No way was she listening to that love dove wax poetic at her. Again.

What was it with all these feelings today? Was she about to start her period or something? Dammit. 

Readjusting her hoodie, Louise looked up and down the street again. She didn’t want to go back to the restaurant just yet and contemplated walking for more Zap, until her phone vibrated. 

1 New Message from George W Bush

Ever since the Jackson incident, Logan texted her out of the blue every so often. Usually the text was a meme, and sometimes it was to brag about how grown up he was. Today seemed a little different.

Bush: which of these is better  
(Attached: image1,image2) 

Louise opened the photos and saw two almost identical tattoos of some dumb birds.

Louise: neither theyre both lame

She snorted at her jab and was about to put her phone back in her pocket before it vibrated again. The corners of her mouth quirked at how quick he responded.

Bush: well what should I get then?  
Bush: I’m trying to piss off my mom and ur the expert  
Louise: awww what did cynthia do? make you apply yourself again?

Ignoring his next text about his mom, Louise pondered the tattoo question. She hadn’t seriously considered a tattoo before and had trouble coming up with something both dumb and interesting enough to permanently put on someone’s body. Her eyes darted over to the new place next door.

“Why not? Let’s see what they’ve got.” 

They also had a bell to ding her arrival, but it wasn’t as timeless as their restaurant’s ring. It was probably some cheap bell they stole off a kid’s tricycle.

The shop gave off fun goth vibes, with plenty of skulls and medieval artifacts lining the walls. Fairy lights and plushies dotted any empty space. Clearly they cared more about the eclectic decor than their business, as they still had freshly used moving boxes shoved into every nook and cranny.

Louise walked over to their makeshift front desk/counter while a person coming through a beaded curtain made their way to her.

“Welcome, I’m Yessenia.” she said. “What can I do for you, mija?”

“My, um,” Louise paused. “Friend…? Wants to get a tattoo. Do you have a catalog of your worst designs I could suggest?”

Yessenia’s eyebrow raised as she smirked but said nothing about Louise’s hesitation or unusual request.

“Alright, I think I can do that. How bad are we talking?”

“Something you’d put on a pig but then decide the design itself is animal cruelty.”

The shop attendant threw her head back to laugh. Still chuckling, she turned her back to Louise and pulled out one of the not-so-hidden moving boxes. Yessenia began to rifle through the various books.

“Sorry about the mess. We just got here, but I promise we have a portfolio that will meet your needs. Though, just to let you know, we can also do good designs.”

“Sure,” Louise said while looking at a poster of a sectioned off brain. “I trust you, but that’s not what I’m in the market for.”

“Okay okay.” Yessenia gathered a pile of binders that promptly toppled over. Papers and doodads scattered everywhere while she let out a groan.

Taking pity on her new neighbor, Louise squatted to help pick up the sheets. One laminated one in particular caught her eye.

“Hey, what’s this one?”

“Ay! That was supposed to be hung up. What a mess this place is.” She pushed aside what she was sorting through to point at the top of the page Louise held.

“See here, it’s a game of chance. You roll a dice and whatever number you land on we’ll tattoo on you. Costs extra to do a reroll and there are three joke designs on there, so it’s a spicy option for risk takers.”

“Huh,” Louise said. After getting permission from Yessenia, she took a picture of the board to send to Logan.

Louise: feeling lucky punk?  
(Attached: image1)

They finished cleaning the rest of the papers before her phone buzzed again. 

Bush: those are sick! in town? do they take walk ins?

She confirmed their availability with Yessenia before texting the affirmative. 

Bush: I’ll go today  
Bush: wanna come with?

Her heart only skipped a beat because of all the extra energy she exerted getting off the floor. Louise would swear by it. 

Louise: sure but only bc its close  
Bush: Cool. where is it?  
Louise: (Louise sent an address)  
Bush: this is right next to ur p  
Bush: place. U could have just said that  
Louise: what am i if not extra

She went to put her phone away, believing the conversation to be over, but it vibrated again.

Bush: cute

Her reflexes told her to throw the phone and scream, which she almost did, but Yessenia caught her eye just in time.

“Ohhhh I know that look.” Louise groaned. Not another adult with opinions on her face. “So is this your, pause for effect, friend?”

“This conversation is a little too casual for a business setting.”

Yessenia threw her hands up in defense, though kept her sly smile in place. 

“I’m just saying. The first time I had that look a boy had just scaled the side of my parents house just to recite to me a bad poem, dios.”

“The only thing men have is the audacity.” 

“That’s true, so it’s a good thing when they’re cute,” Yessenia winked, then made her way to the back. “You can wait here. I’m going to go get the other artist. He’s the one who came up with the board.” 

Louise lazed around the shop for ten-ish minutes, taking in the different knick knacks and giving some amount of thought to her situation.

She stayed up late the night Logan had given her a ride home, and she came to the conclusion that not only was he attractive, but maybe she was kind of attracted to him. Maybe some other things happened while she was alone that night that disqualified it from being purely aesthetic attraction. Who is to say, not her that’s for damn sure.

Louise picked up a plastic raven and stared deeply into the extrancing eyes. It mocked her.

For anyone to imply she had a crush? That seemed a little far fetched. Okay, sometimes, she smiled when he texted. Sometimes, their back and forths were the better parts of her day off. So what? That doesn’t mean anything. She’s not lonely. 

“Mira, is this your boyfriend at the door? Stop whispering to the crow, crazy girl.”

Louise whipped around. Apparently, she took after her dad in more ways than she thought if she talked to inanimate objects and lost track of time.

Sure enough, her tall blond was entering the shop, greeted by Yessenia and the other employee, who Louise hadn’t even realized was there.

“We’ve been expecting you, sir! Miss Beanie Girl forgot to give us your name?”

“Logan.”

“Nice to meet you. I’m Yessenia, and this is my partner-”

“‘I’m Kevrin.”

“Kevrin? With an R?”

“Yeah, Yessenia only hired me because it sounds like ‘cabron’ if you say it fast enough. She’s a mean old cat that wants an excuse to cuss her employees out.”

She tsk’d and swatted at her coworker while he dodged and cackled. She then gestured to Louise.

“She’s been waiting for you this whole time. Don’t be rude, say hello to her.”

The. Fucking. Audacity. 

The look Logan was giving her… oh, she’d slap him. She’d slap him good.

“The WHOLE time? Well well well, Blue Cheese, I didn’t know you had it in you to be so romantic.”

Forget slapping. She’d go straight to maiming at this rate.

She prepared her fists as he made his way over to her. Don’t tuck your thumb in and aim right for the nose, just like Mickey taught her. 

Louise didn’t get a chance to land her, what was sure to be, bone-breaking punch. Logan enveloped her in a bear hug, keeping her arms down and mind thoroughly confused. 

“Do I look like a tree, you scruffy hippie wannabe?! Ask consent first!”

“You’re too short to be a tree,” Logan said, still holding her tight. She could feel his chest pressed against her cheek. “Besides, I missed you. And you haven’t clawed me yet, so I take this as a win.”

Too startled by his breath on her neck, Louise almost missed what he said. She pushed him off at the sound of the tattoo artists’ quiet chuckles.

“Eyes on the prize, Bush. Pissing off Cynthia.”

She pushed Logan over to the counter, placing herself behind him and hopefully hiding her blush. 

Yessenia explained the rolling game while Louise straightened her posture. He’s just a dumb boy. No need to get in a twist about it. 

Logan looked thoughtfully at the board before turning to Louise.

“You wanna roll it? It’s my first tattoo, so might as well make it special.”

“Wh-“

Then a beautiful idea formed in her head.

Playing it cool, she took the D20 out of his hand. With as little movement as possible, she motioned for Yessenia to get Logan away from the board. Picking up her hint, Yessenia exclaimed.

“Your FIRST tattoo! Kevrin, take this boy and give him the rundown for cleaning and maintenance. Go go, now.”

With those two out of the way, she mouthed Yessenia’s lines to her. After a nod, Louise let the plastic clack against the counter in a pseudo roll. 

Ignoring what number she actually got, Louise silently pointed at one of the designs. Yessenia moved the board around for her eyes only. 

“Oof are you sure you don’t want to reroll? That’s not exactly-”

“No, that one will do. Thanks.”

“Hold on a second,” Logan interjected.

Yessenia winked as she too pointed out the design Louise picked to Kevrin. He nodded then motioned for Logan to follow him through the curtain, all the while the blond tried to get her attention.

“Hey, wait a minu- Louise! What are you putting on my body??” 

“Byyyye~ Logan, have fun! Call if you need emotional support!” 

Her shoulders almost shook from concealing her laughter. Yessenia shook her head.

“You remind me of me,” she said. “Pranks for days, a shits and giggs type of gal.”

“I’ll have you know I’m actually a very complicated person. I’m here for a long time AND a good time.”

Yessenia snorted her response. She then turned to sort through the multitude of boxes scattered around.

For a while, Louise was content to roam around, using the interior of the shop as one big I Spy book. 

Twenty minutes passed, and she began to tap her foot a little at the silence. Right after spotting a rustic candelabra, Yessenia spoke up.

“You know, if you get bored you can go back there with him.”

“Why would I do that?”

“Well, you seem to get along pretty well. Not to reveal all of my old person secrets, but laughing together? That’s kinda the best way to relieve boredom.”

Louise hesitated.

“Relieves boredom… and a few other things.” Yessenia refused to make eye contact, but she didn’t have to for the underlying meaning to be heard loud and clear.

“Okay okay, I’ll go. Just stop badgering me.”

She made her way past the curtain where Kevrin had already prepped Logan’s right bicep.

“Yessenia said you’d probably cry, and I wanted to get that on film.”

“Oh ha ha. You came to admire the gun show, I know it.”

He flexed in bravado. Kevrin’s “chile” was barely audible, but its effect was potent. Louise burst out laughing.

“Whatever helps you sleep at night, Logan.” She said sarcastically and took a seat on the side next to him, opposite of Kevrin.

“You gonna tell me what I’m putting on my arm?”

“Well, you wanted to upset your mom. Use your big boy brain. What would most piss off Cynthia?”

“You picked a waitress forgetting to put the ranch on the side?”

“You’ll seee~”

They went back and forth about the subject of the tattoo a little bit longer, with Kevrin offering unhelpful and misguiding hints. Once the artist began, Logan wincing as he adjusted to the needle, the two relaxed into more general conversation.

“Do you have a tattoo,” Logan asked before shutting his eyes and shaking his head. “No, wait Bob wouldn’t let anyone in his family do something like that.”

“Bold of you to be so wrong, Bush Beans. Dear old dad is covered in tattoos.”

“No way, not Mr. Burger. Try something more convincing.”

“Alright well maybe not covered, but..” Louise mimed checking if the coast was clear. “He does have an unfinished Equestranaut tattoo on his lower back. He got it for Tina.”

Logan whistled.

“Weird choice and reason for a tramp stamp, but right on Mr. B.”

Louise flicked the air near his arm not getting work done, since she thought actually touching him might mess it up. 

“Speaking of parents-“

“I regret everything. Tell your dad I think his pony tat is cool.”

“Come on, what else are you going to do while you're stuck in this chair for another hour?”

At least that was the estimated time, given how simplistic the design was.

“You’re not wrong,” Logan sighed. “It’s nothing new. She’s competitive, and I’m not someone she can brag about easily.”

He sucked in his bottom lip, gave it a second, then continued.

“I guess I thought we had worked through our issues. Though it might be I was just out of the house, so it was less apparent.”

“And now it’s back in full force, since you’re under the same roof again?” Louise questioned.

“Yep. So here I am, rebelling against my parents in my mid twenties. God, how sad is that?”

“Not really,” Louise said, crossing her arms. “But you could have used this energy for something more productive. Like crime.”

Logan sputtered, awkwardly trying to hold still and laugh.

“I guess you’re right. I’ve always wanted a sleeve anyway, so this will be the first one.”

“Sounds like a plan, my man,” Kevrin cut in. “As long as you come back and get it done here.”

Louise neglected to mention the curse of the storefront. Not wanting to get too attached (she was already warming up to her neighbors), Louise desperately changed the conversation.

“He totally should. Hey, Logan, where’d you get that shirt?”

“Uhh…” He looked down as if just remembering he owned clothes. “Oh my ex girlfriend bought it for me for a birthday or something.”

That’s odd. She didn’t know the bitch but automatically knew that the ex girlfriend was, indeed, a bitch.

Louise almost knocked herself in the head but knew it would make her look like a lunatic.

That’s the internalized misogyny, sis. Louise thought. 

“That’s cool. When did you break up?”

She was quite possibly the least slick person she knew. 

“I want to say twooo years ago? We didn’t keep in contact, since it was more of a fling.”

“You do flings?”

Oh my god, Louise, shut up, she thought.

“Not anymore. Do you?”

She allowed herself a moment to think over her answer.

In truth, she never needed to seek anyone out in the short term. After her first break up, Tina showed up to offer all the right words and coping mechanisms. Gene, ever the performer, helped keep her mind from dwelling on the negative. The Belcher kids always had each other’s backs.

Louise also found out after her first relationship that she had an embarrassing tendency to love too deeply after she let her walls down. That type of behavior never suited one night stands. 

“You’re taking a long time to answer. What... is your number that high?”

She let out a theatrical gasp.

“Logan!” She said, scandalized. “Are you… SLUT shaming me??”

Kevrin jerked the needle away from Logan’s arm as he started coughing to hide his laugh. Throughout their conversation, he stayed quiet but was having his own face journey. 

Taking his one opportunity for free mobility, Logan sat up, palms extended towards her.

“No, no tha- no. That’s not what I meant and you know it, Smelcher.”

“Sure sounded like it to me. Besides,” Louise picked off invisible lint from her sleeve. “I don’t see how it’s any business of yours.”

Logan nestled back into the chair, offering his arm back to Kevrin. He closed his eyes as a serene, almost smile ghosted his face.

“It’s not my business.” He paused. “Yet.”

She scoffed at the notion and pulled her phone out to distract herself as silence descended on their conversation. The hum of the tattoo gun helped relax her heartbeat in an odd way.

Originally, Louise planned to scroll aimlessly on social media but saw Tina had messaged her about a professor who was almost as conniving as the youngest Belcher. She texted a devil face emoji in response. After a few seconds, she sent another message.

Louise: will you be in town for gene’s drag night? their next performance is thursday  
T: I’m begging you. Use capital letters just once.  
T: Yes, I’ll come back for the show. Aquamagene stans represent!  
T: Am I using that right?  
Louise: cool c u then  
T: LOUISE!

She snickered at her sister’s expense. That’ll teach her to be a journalism major. Or had she changed it back to creative writing again?

A night with her girls was just what she needed, especially given her present situation.

“Four ears, you’re doing a pretty crummy job of being emotional support. I’m in pain.”

Speak of the devil.

“Aww does wittle baby need me to hold his teeny tiny hand?”

“Yes.” Logan stuck out his left hand. 

Her eyebrows shot into her hairline at the offer. Thinking quickly, she gestured over to Kevrin.

“Um, I can’t because he’s almost done, and it would mess up the process.”

Her bluff played off as the gun went silent.

“Heh, your girl is right. You made it through.”

Torn between correcting the artist and relishing in being confirmed right once again, Louise paused only a second then opened her mouth.

“I’m not his-“

“Thanks. Wow, I didn’t expect it to go that fast.”

“It wasn’t a complicated design, and, lucky for you, I’m the king of straight lines.”

Kevrin wiped the area of any excess ink, then grabbed a handheld mirror.

“Time for the big reveal, buh babam!”

Both the young adults peeked over to the finished project. Three slim, palm sized nails looked like they had fallen out of a hardware store and onto his arm.

“Oh thank god. I thought for sure you picked the poop emoji.”

“Nah, I wouldn’t do that to you. Even if you deserve it.”

“It looks great! Why nails though? Like nail in the coffin?”

“I should have known it’d be too complicated for you,” Louise said shaking her head. “Think about it. What’s another word for nail?”

“Spike?”

“Smaller than that.”

“... pin? Tack?”

“Ding ding ding. Tack. Your arm is now tacky, exactly what Cynthia will say when she sees it.”

Silence as the pieces fit into place, then Logan let out a snort.

“You put a pun on my arm. Not bad at all, even if it is a stretch. Although I guess everything is a stretch for you, short stack, ayo!” He high fived Kevrin, who looked tickled at the exchange.

“Alright you two. Checkout is at the counter, but hang back for a second while I go over some after care.”

Logan nodded then rifled in his pocket for his wallet. He handed his card over to her, and she almost dropped it out of shock from his act of trust.

“Will you go settle it for me? The pin is 8008.”

“Boob. Classic,” Louise remarked as she stood and made her way to the front. 

Yessenia was still sorting boxes when she spotted Louise.

“He works fast, huh?”

“Yeah he did a pretty good job too, which is disappointing. I was really hoping he’d sneeze and mess it all up”

“Oh not Kevrin. My guy is the best!”

Louise faux sighed and agreed. She held up the plastic, and Yessenia understood to go to the register. Ringing up the charge, she noticed the name on the card.

“He gave you his money? Girl, you better abuse this.”

“I was just thinking about how best to take advantage of the situation.”

“Ooo you can send a bunch of flowers to your house or maybe buy yourself a tattoo, as well?” 

Signing the receipt placed in front of her by doodling a Kuchi Kopi, Louise laughed. 

“No tattoos for me yet. We’ll see though. Maybe I’ll get an anchor on my chest?”

“Or oven mitts on your butt,” Logan said, appearing through the curtain, arm wrapped in plastic. 

She laughed at Yessenia’s confused expression. To her credit, Louise just barely remembered the day on the sledding hill.

They both said their thank yous and goodbyes to the two workers, who waved them off kindly. Yessenia couldn’t resist one last cheeky wink and thumbs up, at which Louise rolled her eyes. 

The two exited the store, and Louise was surprised at how quickly time had flown by. A line for dinner had already formed near the door of Pesto’s. 

She thumbed over the plastic money Logan still hadn’t reclaimed from her, food ideas running through her head.

“What an adventure. Welp, I’m starved. I think I’ll treat myself to the finest lobster at the Wharf.”

She flashed her companion’s own credit card at him before taking off down the sidewalk, laughing maniacally. 

“Louise!” His footsteps thundered behind her. 

Adrenaline kicking in, she burst forward with another wind at the thought of being chased. She felt like a kid again, playing tag and pranks and doing what kids do. 

In a very un-kid like move, two arms circled around her waist and hoisted her into the air like nothing. Logan used the momentum to spin them around, so no one went plummeting to the ground. 

Her back pressed against his torso, she squirmed in his arms and yelled at him to put her down.

“Never pick up a short person! Our rage is a thousand times stronger than you’re capable of handling!”

“There there, my little gremlin.” He mocked her antics, never once letting his grip slip.

“I can feel the power kicking in. Last chance to let me go before I’m at full strength for ass kicking.”

Movement stilled as his cheek brushed against hers.

“I guess I should feed you before midnight. Let’s get dinner.”

Then he bit her shoulder.

“I am NOT food, dingleberry!!”


	3. Corn Dogs

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Louise and Logan find a place to eat. Chaos ensues.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is once again only alive because of the commenters and kudos givers. Y'all mean the world to me, and I don't think I'll be able to thank you enough. This new chapter is especially dedicated to sachantquiladesailes_98. Not to be a weirdo, but I did actually print your comment for my inspiration board lol. I hope you like the chapter!

Louise found it mildly unbelievable that she agreed to this. One second she’s delivering a burger to Mort (who totally could have picked it up himself) and the next she’s perusing the boardwalk for someplace with mostly edible food, Logan dragging his feet next to her. 

She pulled her warm-ish coat tighter, silently cursing that she hadn’t grabbed the thicker one. Thinking back to how her mother greeted her when she returned to drop off Mort’s cash, pocketing the tip for herself, Louise cringed.

_ “Well well! Here I was thinking you pulled a Steve Miller on us, the ol’ taking the money and run routine. Where were you? Your father was worried sick.” _

_ “I wasn’t,” Bob called from the ice cream machine. _

_ “He almost threw up right in the fryer, so nervous.” _

_ “Linda, oh my god. Ma’am, she doesn’t mean that. Finish your burger. Please sit back down. Don’t-” _

_ A gasp. _

_ “Bobby, hush, look! Is that Logan? Waiting outside for OUR little Louise?!” _

No, she made the right call to grab whatever was laying around and run.

Taking a chance, she peered up at her companion. At the moment, he appeared deep in thought. Stupid, given their current task.

“Alright alright, I was kidding about the fancy dinner. Let’s just grab a corn dog from one of the stands or something.”

“Shut it,” Logan said without even looking at her. “We might as well make this special. I heard they opened a Meditteranean place down here?”

“There was an uprising. It no longer exists.” 

“The workers unionized?”

“Fish hopped out of a tank and short-circuited the wiring somehow. Burned the whole place down.”

“That makes more sense.”

For every store with tacky beach memorabilia, there were as many restaurants packed to the brim for the Saturday night dinner crowd. They heavily criticized both, even snickering together when a patron glared at their mocking of themed eateries.

Louise considered selling Logan on the merits of a good corn dog again before he slapped at her shoulder.

“What about there?”

She followed his pointed finger to the much less active building 

“Gross, no way! C-Food hasn’t even been open for a month. I don’t think  **Hugo’s** even been there yet.”

“Oh ho, wow. Wow wow wow. It’s good to know that after all these years you’ve turned into One. Big. Chicken.” 

Louise spluttered. 

“You- after all- the NERVE of you! I don’t want rat poop in my lobster bisque and now I’m a chicken?!”

“I mean.. Yes?”

“Gimme your card. Now I’m going there AND eating alone.”

“Too bad, pipsqueak. You want the dough, you get the Low.”

Louise groaned.

“Low like Logan.”

“Yeah.”

“That’s me. I’m Logan.”

“I said I got it!”

Logan threw his arm around her and pushed forward. 

“Ten bucks says you barf at the table.”

A man in a badly stitched sailor suit greeted them at the door. He looked almost shocked to see them but regained his composure and spouted off a memorized speech full of whale puns.

Her eyelid twitching to keep herself from making fun of the poor man, Louise barely stifled a groan as Logan egged him on. The two were then seated next to an oversized replica of a lobster. 

Using the time allotted by the waitress as she listed off wine specials, Louise reevaluated her position. Here she was, sandwiched between a plastic crustacean she named Irvin and her arch-nemesis, yet she couldn’t stop smiling.

In a cool way though. Not in a dumb, face hurts kind of way. 

After ordering water and complimentary bread, she gave Logan a once over. He did the same, but his eyes focused on the top of her head.

“What are you looking at?”

“I’m looking at you.”

“But why at my forehead?”

“What are you talking about? I’m making eye contact.”

“No, you’re not. Is there something on my face?”

“I wouldn’t know, since I’m looking into your beautiful, blue eyes.”

“My eyes are brown, dumbass. You’d know that if you weren’t burning a hole into my forehead.”

Logan let out a sigh with a hint of mirth, his eyes dropping down to meet her gaze. 

“I was just wondering about your ears. Do you still have them?”

Her mouth quirked, and she busied herself looking out for the waitress with their drinks. No such luck, so she shrugged a bit. 

“They’re probably still hanging around somewhere,” she said, though she knew her ears were carefully folded in the third drawer down of her dresser, Kuchi Kopi nestled in the pink threads. 

The subject of tossing them came up a few times in the Belcher household, namely when she moved rooms. Her mom held her bunny ears and asked if she was ready. 

What a stupid question. Louise guaranteed that, if it had been a baby blanket or her first stuffed animal, then her mother never would have dared to utter a phrase that sent pangs of dread straight into the youngest’s heart. 

Or at least where her heart was supposed to be anyway. In Louise canon, she had long since done away with any heart and soul, selling them to the highest bidder. 

“You still in there?” Logan interrupted her train of thought. She blinked, noticing for the first time that their drinks had arrived. 

“So the ears,” he continued. “You’re still holding onto them?”

“I don’t know why that’s so important,” Louise shot back, busying herself by taking a sip of her water and avoiding eye contact. 

“It’s obvious they’re important to you though.”

“I… guess,” she said as she set her cup down. “I wore them for… probably longer than I should have. Sending them to the dump felt criminal but in a bad way.”

“I get it,” Logan offered. “My first skateboard is basically a jar of splinters now. I still have it on a shelf though.”

“Did you ever manage any real tricks on that thing? Remember how you used to hop off the second you noticed me at the skatepark?”

“No doy. I knew you were only there to make fun of me when I fell!” 

“Ehhh guilty,” Louise smirked. “All the jabs I had ready? Hysterical.”

“Yeah yeah,” Logan brushed her off. “Honestly, I never got all that good. Scotty was the real pro. Doesn’t change the fact that it was important to my identity. Kinda like how your ears were for you.”

Louise groaned.

“Shut upppp. You’re not qualified to psychoanalyze me, and you know it.”

Carrying a basket of bread, their waitress reappeared. Her name tag read “Joy,” but she looked far from it.

“Doing okay there, Joy?” Louise asked.

Joy’s eyes widened before she regained her composure. After a cursory glance around, she looked back at Louise. 

“You know the big bucket of tartar sauce they keep in the back?”

“Obviously,” Louise ribbed.

“Don’t you ever just want to stick your head in there and scream into oblivion?”

“Well, what else would you do with it?”

The waitress almost put together a laugh, though it seemed like even that was too much for her. She barely took another breath before the sound of snapping cut her off.

“Soy!” Another woman called while snapping. “Where’s my refill? My cup’s been half-empty for 20 minutes.” 

Weighed down by an invisible force, Joy’s face fell. She took a deep breath and, without turning around, called out in a sing-song voice.

“Right away, Mrs. Davis!” Rolling her eyes, Joy gave one last pitiful look at Louise then left to refill the woman’s drink.

“Oh, HELL no.” Louise, fueled by the irate passion of all service workers, shot daggers at the so-called Mrs. Davis, who sat alone at the bar. “Order for me, Bush. I’ve got somebody’s life to ruin.” 

“Wait are you-“

Louise didn’t hear what he had to say next, already sliding into the seat left of Mrs. Davis. No bartender in sight, which was perfect.

“Paaardon me, madam, is this seat taken?” Louise asked in a posh accent. “I suppose it doesn’t matter. I’m already here.”

“There’s plenty of room at the other end of the bar,” Mrs. Davis said with her nose in the air.

“Oh you’d like that wouldn’t you, Morning Breath at 7pm,” Louise wiggled down into her seat and added her signature sarcastic rage to her tone. “But I’m just SO comfy here.”

Her current adversary thought better than to argue with her and instead scanned for an employee that might do her bidding.

After years behind a counter, Louise knew how to handle a broad like this. Her parents rarely let her act out in their restaurant, bad PR, but they weren’t here to stop her from stealing one of Mrs. Davis’ nachos.

The Karen registered disrespect slowly, her mouth creaking open like a Kraken ready to swallow a ship whole. Before her ire spilled out, the scraping of the chair to the right of Mrs. Davis interrupted them. 

Logan flopped into his new seat with a dramatic flair and lazy salute.

“Ah, I see my associate has arrived. Care to explain your tardiness, Dr. Jekyll?”

“Well, Mrs. Hyde, you clearly double booked me and the banshee.”

“That damned secretary,” Louise made to put a hand on Mrs. Davis’ shoulder, which was quickly swatted away in disgust. “It IS so difficult to find good help these days, wouldn’t you say?”

“If you don’t leave me alone, I will-”

“Indeed!” Logan cut in. “Let’s combine the meetings then?”

“Very well,” Louise said. “What do you say, Banshee?”

“Waitress! I am being harassed.”

“Come now,” Louise leaned over the bar to peer at Logan. She snapped at him, positioning her fingers directly in front of the bar-goer's nose, so close she felt the bull-like puffs of breath. “Are we *snap* harassing *snap* this lady *snap snap*?”

“Hardly,” Logan replied, similarly leaning over the bar and intruding Davis’ personal space. “In fact, I think we should kick it up a notch.” 

With the gusto and audacity only a straight man could possess, he burped on command. 

“Soy! I demand to see your manager! If these two are not removed immediately-”

“No,  **I** demand to see the manager and remove THIS lady!

Chaos erupted as the two women fought for the title of loudest and most annoying, something Louise thought she could win in her sleep. Mrs. Davis gave her a run for her money though, as nothing seemed to phase her besides the sudden appearance of the manager.

“Please, please! If you can’t- what if we worked- OKAY! I’m sorry to say this, but I must ask you both to leave.”

Louise and Logan traded a low five as the rants from Mrs. Davis escalated to full-blown indignant squawking. A burly person escorted her out of the building with a lot of noise but little fight. 

A tap on her shoulder interrupted Louise’s snickering.

“You know this means you both need to leave too, right?” Joy said, eyebrow raised and hand on her hips. She looked lighter now that Mrs. Davis was gone.

Louise shrugged with a slight smile.

“Yeah yeah, we’re going,” she said as she fished in her pocket for the cash tip she got from Mort. 

“A little something for your troubles.” Louise handed it to the waitress with a wink, who resisted a smile. “But we’re taking the bread!”

Following her lead, Logan grabbed the entire bread basket from their table as they both dashed out of C-Food. Joy shook her head, but at least the cloud of darkness cleared a little.

Louise and Logan made it out of the restaurant only to come face to face with Mrs. Davis, who seemed to be waiting for the troublemakers. She rounded on them, but with a “gogogogo” the two sped off towards Wonder Wharf. 

Shrieks fading into distant, white noise, Logan deemed it safe enough to let out a woo! 

“Dork!” Louise teased, though she failed to stifle her own adrenaline rush. 

They slowed down simultaneously, panting, laughing, and only receiving a few wild stares from passersby. 

Holding up the bread, Logan raised an excellent question.

“So what now?”

\---

Corn dogs in hand, the two leaned against the wooden posts separating them from the ocean. The brisk night air only bothered her if she focused on it. Instead, with one foot dangling freely above the water, Louise let her mind wander in the comfortable silence. 

This was… easy. Causing trouble and hanging out felt like some piece of her long absent slid back into place. Louise gathered her usual worries and let them go on her next exhale.

She hated to admit how much her blond companion helped elicit such freedom.

“What’s on your mind?” Louise asked the man to her right. He had been uncharacteristically not annoying for the past few minutes.

“I don’t know, man. It’s not worth thinkin’ about.”

Louise ignored the slight irritation at being called man. Dude would have been better, but she decided to correct him on that later.

“Alright, you got another five seconds to tell me before I’m too bored to pry.”

The two spoke over each other in increasing volume.

“One.” “No, it’s not-” “Two.” “like you’d care-” “Three.” “it’s stupid.” “Fouu-”

“I’m worried, okay? You happy now?”

Cocking her head to the side with her eyebrows scrunched up, Louise took a bite of her corn dog. She waved the rest of her stick to signal that he should continue. 

Logan’s lips pursed to one side of his face, and he looked over the water.

“I’m worried I’m never going to get serious. Be an actual adult, you know?”

Louise’s heart sank. 

“I’m having fun,” he continued, not noticing her reaction. “Today’s been awesome. I got a tattoo, we got kicked out of a restaurant, we were on the run. But… aren’t I supposed to get boring?”

Silence descended on them, only broken up by the waves crashing and the faraway music of carnival rides.

She tossed around a few ideas on how to respond: make fun of him for having emotions, figure out how to profit off the situation. None of them felt quite right, but she surprised herself by speaking anyway.

“I’m no expert, but I hear people spend forever trying to find their joy again,” Louise said. “Maybe just think of it like you’re ahead of the curve? Technically, I should have gotten serious two years ago. It doesn’t happen like that though, and you shouldn’t want it to.”

“Yeah?” Logan snorted. “Then why does everyone hype up their twenties?”

“Ah, they’re all faking it. Being responsible, sure that’s important, but no one really knows what they’re doing. Mom and dad? So much of my life was just them guessing what to do, but I still turned out great. It’s because they’re amazing people, not just good adults.”

She replayed what she said when Logan smirked. Realizing her mistake, she reached over and punched his shoulder.

“But don’t you EVER tell them I said that. I’ve got this tough love thing going on, and I don’t need you blabbing and ruining all my hard work.”

“Alright, sheesh, the fact that you’re a total cheeseball stays with me,” he said while rubbing his arm. “And thanks. For the advice. You’re pretty cool.”

“Of course I am. What else did you expect?”

Comfortable silence restored, Louise finished her corn dog and tossed the stick into the nearest bin. When she returned to their spot, Logan held out a piece of torn off bread from the basket at their feet.

“Bet you can’t hit that diaper,” Logan teased.

She squinted out at the ocean. Nearing eight at night, only a few lamp posts offered any sort of lighting. 

“I can’t see it,” she said while taking the bread from his hand.

“It’s right…” Logan put himself behind her, guiding her arm, and pointed out at the dark waters. “There.”

She could barely make out the bobbing shape, though she didn’t know whether to blame the low lighting or Logan’s cologne. He put way too much on, and it was on the tip of her tongue to call him out. Then, his fingers ghosted against the back of her hand, a natural heat to her freezing skin, and suddenly she couldn’t remember how her joke went.

“Easy money,” Louise said once he backed up to give her room to throw. 

After cocking her arm, she let their slim pickings from C-Food fly and missed. By a lot.

“See? Easy money,” Lousie said and dusted off any crumbs.

“You gotta be kidding me,” Logan responded, leaning down to rip off another piece of bread from the basket. “You missed by a mile. Maybe two miles even.”

“Oh yeah? You try it, Shrubs.” 

“I wi- shrubs?”

“It’s another word for bush. What’d they even teach you in college?”

“Eh. Anything beats that time you called me George W at least,” Logan said, taking aim. “It’s cute how you keep giving me nicknames.” 

Louise averted her gaze and watched as his chunk of bread also missed.

“Ha! Not even close.”

“What? That was way closer than you,” he argued.

“Are we even aiming at the same diaper,” she countered.

“Here-”

He took her arm again, but this time he pressed his cheek to hers, gently nudging her to face the water. He gestured out slowly and pointed, while he placed his other hand on her back.

“See it?” He asked, holding still against her for longer than he needed to. When he spoke, his scruffy almost-beard lightly scratched along her jaw. 

He waited for an answer, not letting her go. Unable to speak, Louise lowered her arm from his. Logan didn’t move away but repositioned to look at her, a curious expression forming. She mirrored him, and the eye contact hit her like a wave coming off of a fireplace. 

Louise was suddenly hyper-aware of every connection, every breath, and every inch of space between them shrinking. 

A beat.

Logan’s eyes darted down then back up. She wanted so badly to read his thoughts, but as hard as she concentrated she only heard the sounds of the ocean. 

She tilted her head.

“Hey, Baby Belcher, is that you? God, you’ve grown like a foot since I last saw you!” The timelessly cheery voice of Mickey echoed over the docks.

_ My life is a sitcom, _ Louise thought,  _ and this is where the laugh track plays _ .

“Can’t believe someone actually considers you taller,” Logan said, earning himself a jab in the ribs.

She untangled herself from him to match the disembodied voice to his figure. Spotting Mickey a ways away, she waved and yelled back.

“Yeah, it’s me! How ya holding up, buddy?”

“Oh same old, same old. The teacups are spinning, and so am I. Hey, you should join us for roulette some time!”

“The wheel kind or the Russian kind?”

“It’s a combination!”

“I’ll think about it!”

She waved her goodbye as Mickey went back to operating. Logan and Louise caught each other’s eyes at the same time, bursting out in laughter at the scenario. 

When they calmed down, Logan picked up the bread basket and started to move to a trash can.

“It’s getting late. Want me to walk you home?”

“I think I can find it myself,” Louise said.

“But what about all the spooky dangers lurking around every corner?”

“On Ocean Ave? The only creep I have to worry about is you, Shrubs."

“Shrubs is growing on me,” Logan said, putting his arm around her shoulder. “I think it’s my favorite name yet.”

“Great! Now I have to change it.” 

The pair bantered back and forth the whole way back to Bob’s Burgers.

  
  


**Sneak peek of Chapter 4** :

“Zeke! You better not be giving my sister a hard time.”

“Oh no way, Gene Machine,” Zeke said, standing up straight. “I was about to go anyway before y’all’s sweet family reunion could kick me in the tear ducts.” 

He leaned over to squeeze Tina’s shoulder. From Louise’s perspective, he seemed to restrain himself from holding too tight, a hopeful look in his eye. With that, Zeke straightened his apron and headed for the kitchen.

“What was that all about?” Gene asked, shimmying into the booth with them.

“Long story,” Tina supplied. Gene quirked an eyebrow as if to say they had time.

“Hey, I thought today was going to be about me,” Louise interrupted.

“Honey, you’re not the one with hot goss OR the one painted in glitter right now. Take many seats.”


End file.
